Why I created an “Advent of Loving Calendar” for my Fiancé

December 1, 2014

Last weekend Jonny and I were picking out a Christmas tree and ended up getting in a fight about what color lights we wanted to put on the tree.  I wanted white – he wanted color.  It was stupid and silly, but part of the reason we were fighting wasn’t because of the lights, but it was really because we weren’t feeling heard and understood by each other.

The real problem was that Jonny hadn’t been feeling appreciated by me in the past few weeks or so and he felt like I had been paying more attention to what he was doing wrong than what he was doing right.  And while I thought that I was doing a good job of making him feel appreciated, he told me that my nagging and calling him out on mistakes overshadowed any feelings of appreciation that he was receiving from me.  While he was talking, I realized that he was right and that I hadn’t been as loving and appreciative as I really wanted to have been in the past few weeks.  Because the thing is I ADORE Jonny.  I am crazy about him.  And so if he wasn’t feeling that adoration from me, then that meant that I was losing sight of how wonderful he is to me and wasn’t paying attention to what he really wants, which is just to feel loved and respected by me.  So last night I started thinking about ways that I could show him my appreciation and decided to create an “Advent of Loving Calendar” for him where each day between Dec 1 -24 he will open something from me that will express my love, appreciation and gratitude for him. 

I’m doing this for him so that he realizes how loved he is by me.  However, I am also doing this for me.  Because even though I am a Life Coach and help bring out the positivity and goodness in my clients, at times I lose sight of that within my own life.  So by committing to finding new things that I appreciate about Jonny on a daily basis and writing them down and sharing them with him, it will be an amazing exercise for me as well, as it will keep me focused on the positive and help me stay in my loving. 

Because here is the thing ladies – when we continue to nag our men and criticize them it is like death to our man’s soul.  Our men want to be admired by us and they will work really hard to earn that admiration (or at least Jonny does), but they also need to feel totally accepted and loved by us, as that makes them feel safe and worthy.    Oftentimes when women criticize their men, they do it because on some level they think that it will help to control them and make them do what they want.  However, this will not change a man – it will only tear them down and make them pull farther and farther away from you.  So instead, we must admire and appreciate our men, help boost their ego, focus on telling them what they are doing RIGHT instead of what they are doing WRONG.  Little things like this will go a long way.

So for both men and women, as you continue to head into the stress of the holidays, try to look for what you appreciate in your partner and to tell them about all of the goodness you see in them and share with them about all the ways that you see them making your life better – it may just help make your holidays just that much more special. 

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Note:  At the time of publishing this post, I am currently on day 19 of our Advent of Loving and our relationship continues to get sweeter with each day.  Jonny even started writing me notes back as well and now we are both leaving letters of love and appreciation for each other everyday.  We are appreciating one another more and communicating more about what we love about each other and its amazing at how looking for the good in one another and sharing that with each other can massively transform a relationship.  Try it for yourself and let me know how it goes!

Lessons on Grief...

On September 27, Jonny and I were hiking with friends in Aspen when we received the news that one of our best friends in Belize had died suddenly of a heart attack.  We were shocked and completely stunned by the news and as tears streamed down our faces we asked things like “how could Michael die….wait, what, I don’t believe this?” because in that moment of shock we found that it was so hard to make sense of what had happened, let alone try to rationalize anything. 

Our friends who were with us on the hike appeared to be shocked by the news as well, and while they didn’t know Michael, they could tell that he was immensely important to us, however they didn’t know what to do and how to support us in that moment.  In fact, they didn’t say anything.  They didn’t hug us, or try to comfort us, or talk to us; they just stood there, as we stood alone feeling confused and grief stricken over the whole thing.  Their lack of immediate outward compassion left us feeling even more cold and lonely and I realized later that even though these friends are very close to me, are incredibly evolved spiritual beings and have all lost someone that they love – that they didn’t know what to do in that moment or how to support us.  And unfortunately because they were feeling uncomfortable over the lack of not knowing what to do, it made our grief feel even more isolating in that moment.   I hold no hard feelings towards them, for I know that they were just trying to do their best, however this experience made me realize that so many people have no idea how to support a friend who is grieving – which is why I decided to write this blog post.   

During the next two days, I reached out to friends and family for support and from some I received the most amazing heartfelt responses and calls, others didn’t respond at all, and others responded with “oh yeah, I saw that on Facebook, sorry to hear about that” which felt so insincere and almost worse than them not saying anything at all. 

Because here is the thing about people who are grieving – their hearts hurt and feel so raw and vulnerable and alone and so anything that someone else can do to bring authentic love and compassion to them helps them so much to feel like they don’t have to be alone in this. 

Our Michael died on Saturday afternoon and by Monday we had made a last minute decision to go to Belize for the memorial - and we are so glad that we did.  While we there we were able to celebrate his life with our other Belizean friends and support his sweet family who was missing him so much.  It allowed us to cry together with people who loved him and it brought closure and healing to us, which was so helpful. 

While traveling to and from Belize, I also had a lot of time to think and reflect.  I realized that death makes people really uncomfortable and that so many people don’t know what to do when it happens and because of that I wanted to share my experience of it and offer ways that people can help support a grieving friend or family member.

Below I am including 25 AMAZING ways to help a grieving family that was written by Anna Whiston-Donaldson.  Anna is a grieving Momma who lost her sweet son much too early.  I really recommend that you read this and then bookmark it so that you can access it again later when you need to.  However, if you don’t have time to read it all now, then here are 5 of my own tips on ways that you can help a friend or family member who is grieving.

1. This isn’t about you.    If you are feeling uncomfortable or uncertain on what to do - get over it – this isn’t about you or whether you are comfortable or not – it is about supporting your friend whose heart is breaking and showing up in your loving to the best of your ability.

2.   Acknowledge the loss. If you hear that someone has died, reach out to the grieving friends and family immediately to express your condolences.   Even if you don't know the person who died, you can say something like “my heart goes out to you, I can tell from the pictures of (name) that he was a really special person and shined an amazing light in this world, I can only imagine how much he is missed.” Something as small as this can mean so much to a grieving family member.

3. Don’t be afraid to mention their name and tell stories about your time together.  Talking about the person who has passed can be healing not only for you but for other family and friends as well.  While talking about this person can oftentimes bring tears, its ok, tears don’t need to be feared, tears are an expression of love and sadness and are ultimately incredibly healing.

4. Show up.  If you can attend the funeral – GO.  Feeling uncomfortable about going?  Once again – this isn’t about you – this is about supporting the family and bringing love and support to them.  Also, stop by, check in, give hugs (lots of hugs), ask them to go on walks, keep remembering them…..especially in the days and weeks after the funeral when life has gone back to normal for everyone except for them.

5. Practice heart centered listening.  The ability to listen to a grieving friend talk about their loss can mean more than you know.  You don’t need to have all the answers, but you can simply listen and say, “I really hear you” and offer your loving to them.  Sometimes they won’t want to talk and will just want to sit in silence and that is ok too, so offering to just sit in silence with them can be a beautiful way to support them as well.

These are just some of my tips….and by no means am I the expert.  I would love to hear from you - what has been helpful to you as you have gone through times of grief?  Post your suggestions and tips in the comments below, or on the comments on Facebook.

And now for the truly amazing tips for how to “Love On” a family who is grieving…read these….and check out Anna’s website…through her pain and vulnerability, this woman has taught me so much….I hope that she helps to give you insight into how you can support those who are grieving as well.  Read on….

What You Can Do to Help a Grieving Family by Anna Whiston-Donaldson.

1. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY.

2. Attend the Funeral. To attend funerals people must travel, skip work or school, arrange childcare, and figure out parking and directions. Funerals are inconvenient. The bereaved family knows this and will be blessed and lifted when people extend themselves to be there. Do not worry if you were not close to the deceased, or have been out of touch with the family for many years. Attend anyway. A funeral is a communal event; you will not be intruding. You never know if your presence, or even a glimpse of you or a hug from you will be THE ONE that provides the most comfort.

3. Cook. Have a point person arrange meal sign-up via a website such as Take Them A Meal. or Sign Up Genius Consider making a meal and freezing it in your own freezer for when the other meals stop coming. A small family will appreciate smaller meals so they don't feel they are wasting food. We were so grateful to have meals provided for us for almost 4 months!

4. Send a card or a handwritten note. If possible, include a personal story about the the person who died. Even the smallest anecdote is welcome. These are treasured by the family and read over and over. One friend reminded me in a card that one of Jack's first words was "Azalea." How cool is that?

If you are not able to share a personal story, don't worry. A simple, "I am so very sorry for your loss" or "My heart is breaking for you" will help. When you write your letter, consider going ahead and addressing another envelope to send 3, 6, or 9 months out. The envelope will help you remember to pray for the family, and your next letter will come when most people have stopped sending cards.

5. Send flowers to the home or church; however, you may want to consider sending flowers to the home a month or two after the death so that they will not overwhelm the family. Seeing the house full of flowers, that would eventually die, was hard for me.

6. Come by to show your support. When Jack was missing, close friends and family just showed up. They stayed with us until we found out the horrible news of his death. Several sat in the dark at my kitchen table until after midnight to be there when my sister arrived. They all had other things they could have been doing that rainy night, but they showed up.

In the days following a death, a family should have a point person who feels comfortable telling people whether or not it's a good time to visit, because immediate family members may be too shocked and confused to be able to communicate this. When you drop by, be prepared for a quick hug and then to be on your way, but be flexible. If the bereaved family asks you to stay, be open to that, too. Men, don't be shy about coming by. Tim appreciated men dropping by just for him.

7. If you are a close family friend, consider taking any children out for an activity to give them a break from the home atmosphere. Kids need chances to feel "normal" in the midst of grief.

8. Give the family pet some attention. Our neighbor walked Shadow several times a day and even kept her overnight during those first crazy days.

9. Consider the physical needs of the home. Working in the yard could make a family feel too exposed or vulnerable so soon after a death. One friend mowed our grass for us. He didn't know that Jack was the grass mower in our house and that it would be so painful for us to do it ourselves, but he just thought it would be helpful and showed up. Another family raked our leaves. One friend, after asking if it was okay, came by and planted 100 tulip bulbs in our yard while I was at work! Mulching, powerwashing, or cleaning someone's gutters could be other outside jobs a grieving family might not feel able to tackle. You can include your kids in some of these tasks. I remember Tim taking Jack to spread mulch at a newly widowed friend's house and it was a meaningful experience for them both.

10. Drop a gift in the mail. We received grief books, devotionals, inspirational Cd's, fruit, sweets and more in the mail. Every day of the week I now wear special, meaningful jewelry that represents Jack and was sent to me by people all over the world. These touching gifts took time and effort and are so special to us. Margaret has received small gifts and even a care package from France! Consider mailing a gift card to a restaurant or the movies for a family to use later when they feel up to it. Sometimes a gift card provides the motivation to get out of the house.

11. Make a contribution to charity in the name of the deceased. Consider writing it on your calendar now to do annually so the family will know you have not forgotten. These donations help a family see that something positive can come out of their loss. If you feel led, spearhead a scholarship or a charitable event in the person's name.

12. Mention the deceased person's name when you see the family. It's hard. Do it anyway. The family will cry. Do it anyway.

13. Invite a family member out for coffee, a meal, a walk, or a sporting event. One on one time with a friend, sharing the story and processing it, is a valuable form of therapy. Don't worry if they say no; sometimes they are not ready, or they may need to spend time with someone else right now. Ask anyway.

14. Use texting, email, blogging or Facebook to reach out to the family. You can do this anytime of day or night. I have one friend, whom I did not know very well before the accident, who is committed to praying for us and sending us messages when her baby gets her up at night, which is often. Don't worry about saying the same thing again and again. Your friends are not looking for words of wisdom, just the reminder that you are there.

15. Do not feel offended if your phone calls go unreturned. Just leave a loving message. I have found returning phone calls, or even picking up the phone, to be daunting and difficult, but I still appreciate hearing messages.

16. Send photos or videos of the deceased. Even if you think family members might already have photos from an event, send whatever you have. A new facial expression or a different angle provides them with another glimpse of the one who is gone. The photos on today's post were sent to me by a reader I've never met who realized Jack was in the background of some of her photos from the LEGO store in 2010!

17. Use your special talents to show your love. A poem. A knitted prayer shawl or blanket. A painting. Handcrafted jewelry. We have been stunned by the way people have shared their talents by making us gifts from the heart.

18. Get creative! You have heard how our community tied royal blue bows around trees and mailboxes so that we would feel loved when we drove around town. Then our blogging friends tied ribbons at their homes around the world, and even put them on their Christmas trees. Now, we have made blue ribbon magnets with Jack's Bible verse on them for our cars. Who knew how the simple act of tying a ribbon could bring us so much comfort?

Maybe there is a special color associated with the deceased, or a symbol (dove, butterfly, rainbow) that reminds you of him or her. For Jack, friends and neighbors made LEGO crosses to wear at the funeral. These incorporated 2 of Jack's greatest loves! Maybe YOUR idea or kind gesture will be the one that will most resonate with the family, whether it is tying bows, lining their driveway with luminaria, setting up a Facebook memory page, having a card signed by a Sunday School class, or organizing a tribute such as a balloon release. If you are feeling led to commemorate the deceased in such a way, it could be a big blessing to the family.

19. Even if you didn't know the deceased, consider sharing what the deceased means to you NOW. Eternal life is, well, ETERNAL. Jack's life is affecting people in ways we could never imagined, and we are blessed that so many people are making the effort to let us know, through emails, blog comments, letters, or person. This helps ease the sting. Have you had a dream about the person who passed away? Tell the family.

20. You may want to drop by during the day, or at work. While this not be appropriate for some people, because of their job settings, it has been nice to me to be surprised by friends bearing smoothies, hugs, or a cup of tea at my tear-friendly workplace.

21. REMEMBER. Take note of the season, the day of the month, the day of the week, even the time of day that the deceased person left us. Reach out at these times as you feel led-- through a quick email, text, or note.

22. Write the person's birthday and death day on your calendar. Send a note or an email on those days.

23. Memorialize the loved one by planting a tree, erecting a cross, making a stepping stone, donating a book to an elementary school, starting a scholarship, or installing a bench.

24. Visit the cemetery. I have only been to Jack's cemetery 2 times, but I know others have gone FOR me. Maybe a face to face at visit at the family's home isn't your thing, but saying a prayer in the quiet of a cemetery is.

25. Follow promptings. If you feel a prompting to reach out, it could very well mean that the family needs your support. Do not get bogged down thinking about how close you were or weren't before the death. A reality of death is that relationships change during difficult times. The grieving person may not have the support you think they do. YOU may be the one who can best relate, or listen, or connect with a hurting person. It may feel awkward at first, but it's worth it. I think of how blog readers have felt prompted to write to me, share their own experiences, and offer prayer. If they had gotten bogged down about our not knowing each other "in real life," they would never have reached out.

Okay, so this is a VERY long list, and if it weren't after midnight, it would probably grow longer. I hope it doesn't sound entitled, or like I think other people should take care of every aspect of our family's life, just because we lost Jack. These are just some of the incredible ways people have reached out to us, and I hope by sharing them others can be helped similarly.

Of course, NO ONE can do all of these things. But someone did do EACH of these things. And more.

Love is a verb.

My new and improved "to-do" list

To-Do Lists.  We all have them, and for many of us they invoke feelings of stress, overwhelm, and the thought of “how in the hell am I supposed to get all of this done in such a short amount of time?”

I used to feel like this quite frequently until Jonny recently saved my sanity and bought me this Plenty of Time Calendar as part of my graduation present.  This planner is changing my life and revolutionizing the way I do things….let me explain….

In the past, I would read through a typical bullet style "to-do" list on a regular piece of paper and it would have sounded something like this in my head as I read through it:

“Ah shit, I have to pay my credit card bill today….ugh…”  or “I need to schedule a Spanish class….I can’t keep putting it off” or “I don’t know if I really want to work out today….I might just skip it".  Notice as you read through these things that the overall trend of my energy is that of a negative “Have-To”. 

However, here is a snap shot from yesterday of my new to-do list that I am now using......

Now that I have this new amazing planner, I put each of my “to-dos” under positive qualities that I want to evoke in myself while participating in each task.  It is a new way of composing my day moment-by-moment.  Instead of organizing my day around what I have to do, I am instead invoking these qualities of how I want to relate to myself while completing each task, and looking at these “to-do” items in a positive light so I better understand why I am making them a priority in my life. 

So for example, when I paid my credit card bill yesterday, instead of feeling stressed that I had to pay it, I instead got to practice feelings of gratitude for paying off bills for all of the blessings I have already received in my life.  Doing this allowed me to look at my bill from a perspective of abundance rather than lack.  Or, when I worked out this morning, I knew that I was partaking in my workout because it helps me to evoke feelings of self-worth when I exercise.  Knowing this going into it, it inspired me to make sure that I got my exercise done instead of just skipping it because I was feeling lazy.  Or what about scheduling my Spanish class and then actually going to class?  This is a new amazing opportunity for me to practice total love and acceptance for myself while I make mistakes and trip over the grammar of subjuntivo y impartivo. And what about this huge list of personal emails that I need to respond to?  Well, instead of looking at it as this overwhelming list of people I have to get back to – I can instead practice immense amounts of gratitude for all of the amazing friends in my life!  And when I do that, the new story in my head sounds something like this “Holy smokes!  I’m so grateful that I have these friends from all over that are writing me emails and I get to write back to them and share my love and appreciation of our friendship with them!” 

By re-creating my life and the way that I relate to myself while getting things done, I find that I am way more productive throughout my day and enjoy my life so much more while accomplishing my tasks.  It has been such a simple, yet profound shift and one that I would encourage you to try out – and you don’t need this fancy book to try it.  I have created a new to-do list for you with these qualities at this link here.  Print it off, fill it out, invoke positivity and let me know how using it changes your day!  And if you really love this new technique as much as I do – go buy the book – it’s really amazing. 

Love,
Elsie

Introducing "the other" Turning Life Gold....!!

Today is a big day. Today marks the launch of my coaching business Turning Life Gold.  This business has been a long time in the making and it feels like one of my heartfelt dreams is finally coming true.  I love coaching, and when I get to work with clients and help bring light and clarity to them, it is the highlight of my day and I feel so grateful that I am stepping into an area of work that makes others and myself so happy. And I am especially excited that I finally get to share this with all of you!

The other day I was reviewing my website and I was reading the page "My Story" where I share openly about my divorce, heartbreak and growth into the woman who I’ve become today, and I thought “wow, if I could have shown that devastated 23-year old girl who couldn’t stop sobbing while she was lying in the middle of her living room floor and who was too embarrassed to tell anyone she was getting divorced….If I could have just shown her then how amazing her life would become, how she would someday share her story to help others and work in a profession where she would bring light to other people’s darkness….If I could have just shown her a glimpse of this then, she would have been so amazed and maybe, just maybe, she could have taken a deep breath and known that everything would have been ok…”.  And as I realized all of this and how far I have come, tears started to drip down my cheeks, and I felt this overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my life and for all of those who have helped me along the way.  So to all of you who hugged me, fed me, traveled with me, laughed with me, cried with me, mentored me, sang with me, danced with me, sat with me, called me, and loved me through it all – this is dedicated to you.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I am so grateful.  If you feel called to share this message and site with others, please do, I would really appreciate it.  Or, if you feel like you could use some assistance and extra light in your life, please contact me and schedule a discovery call – I would be honored to work with you. 

And so here it is – I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. 

www.turninglifegold.com

Love,

Elsie

P.S. – A HUGE thank you to Damien Samwell at Tripsix Design for the amazing logo, Diana Sabreen Photography for the awesome pictures, and Element Echo for the killer website.  If any of you are looking for design, photography or web work – please contact these three – you’ll be glad you did – they are amazing.

P.P.S. – Also thank you to Jonny Roman for being the most amazing business consultant, fan and strength of support….thank you for being along on this journey with me.  I love you.

Graduation

On Sunday, August 24, 2014, I partook in the proudest moment of my life thus far when I graduated with a Master’s in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica.  The actual act of graduating wasn’t what made me proud – it is who I have become over the past two years that makes me proud.

Right after my graduation ceremony!

 When I first started USM in October of 2012, I was somewhat of a mess.  I was depressed, heartbroken and living with a victim mentality.  I wasn’t quite sure that I loved myself, or that I was even worthy of being loved, I didn’t know how to truly listen, I hid my true self from others for fear of being judged by them and because of that I judged the shit out of myself and everyone else because I was so unhappy. 

Now fast-forward two years, and after a tremendous amount of deep, transformational work, I can finally say that I feel good.  Words don’t suffice what my experience was like, however I can say that I have had a radical shift from October 2012 to Now.  I can say clearly now without any hesitation that I have fallen in love with myself and that I know that I am so worthy of giving and receiving love – no matter what.  I’ve learned about the tremendous value of compassionate self-forgiveness and what unconditional love truly looks like.  I’ve learned how to look at different situations and not judge them, but instead to see past what I use to judge as “right doing” or “wrong doing” and just see it for what it is – as part of someone’s spiritual curriculum and ways for them to learn and grow – and from that space of neutrality I can then send loving and compassion to them no matter what.  I no longer say that I believe in God, because I don’t believe, I know.  And I feel the sacredness of that knowing, deep within my heart. 

I’ve also received tremendous blessings.  Blessings such as being back in a relationship with Jonny again, and having it be better than I could have ever dreamed of.  Blessings of creating the most amazing friendships with my classmates.  Blessings of tapping into my intuition.  Blessings of deepening my relationships with my family.  Blessings of becoming a coach and doing heartfelt work that I love.  And the list of blessings goes on and on…..

Feeling happy and blessed to be with my sweet boys again...

 Finally, I see the astonishing light within myself and within all of you.  My new favorite quote by Hafiz is: "I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being".  If only I could have remembered this during my bouts of darkness – but I couldn’t – and that is ok, for I see it now.  It never left; I just lost sight of it for a while.  And if you feel like you have also lost sight of your light, contact me, let’s talk, I would love to help coach you so that you can re-discover your own astonishing light again as well. 

And if you want more information on USM you can visit their website here, or read this amazing article written by one of my classmates Elaine – she describes our experience better than I could ever dream of.  And if you have questions about what my experience was like, contact me, or post them in the comments and I would love to discuss it more with you. 

In loving,

Elsie

Well Fanci that...

It was the beginning of February and Fort Collins had been hit with a massive cold streak where the temperature at night was around -20 F.  The next morning, the temperature was still below zero, when Jonny was taking Ollie for a quick walk outside.  He came back from the walk, brought Ollie inside and said that he heard a woman screaming bloody murder in the fields behind us and he was going to go check it out.  I quickly threw on my winter gear and followed him outside.  As soon as I got outside I could hear a woman crying and screaming hysterically – it was the kind of noise that someone makes only when they have lost something that they love passionately.  It was scary, sobering, drenched in pain, and incredibly bone-chilling.  I’ve never heard so much audible grief come from one person before.  As we followed the sound of the wails down the path, I looked ahead of us into a pasture across the frozen river that separated our backyard from the pasture and saw this large white lump lying in the middle of the pasture.  As I strained my eyes to see better I quickly realized that the lump was the majestic white horse that used to graze there, and I put two and two together and understood that the wails were coming from the horse’s owner.  As we got closer to the woman, we yelled out over the frozen river to see if we could help her, she responded back “No, the horse is dead, there is nothing more we can do” and then dropped to her knees and started sobbing again.  So Jonny and I not knowing what to do, somberly turned back to our house with heavy hearts. 

As we got to our house, I felt wrong about just leaving that woman there alone in her grief.  I felt that there was more that we could do.  I started to go into judgment of myself and began asking questions such as “Why didn’t I do more?”  “Why didn’t I cross the river and climb under the fence to reach her?  If it were a human that had died, I would have done that wouldn’t I?  So why didn’t I do that now?”  “I am a Spiritual Psychologist, I should know better, I should have moved past my uncomfortable feelings and crossed the pasture to be with her and help her.”  My heart ached for her and I felt so lost in my grief for her, as well as my judgments around why I didn’t do more, and I continued to stay stuck, until I started to ask better questions.  I changed my questioning from “why didn’t I do more?” to “what can I do right now to help her and share my love and compassion?”.  As soon as I started to ask more empowering questions, the answer came to me – which was to write her a sympathy card, buy a candle for her to burn in the horse’s honor if she wished, and drop it off at her house.  I needed a way to convey to her that my heart was hurting along with hers, and so I bought a card and a candle and wrote a heartfelt message and drove to the house that I thought would be hers based on where the horse was in the pasture.  I was so nervous to bring the card up to the house, but I forced myself to do it, even though the feeling of walking up to this stranger’s house felt incredibly uncomfortable.  I drove into their driveway, and it appeared that no one was there so I put the card and the candle on the front porch, and then drove away.  I left not knowing if it was the right house, or if the woman would ever get my card, or if she would even appreciate it. 

The card and candle that I left on their doorstep....

After that day, I would oftentimes drive past her house and think of her, or would walk Ollie past the pasture and think of the white horse and that sad, cold day in February.  I wondered if the woman ever burned the candle, or if she just thought of it as a stupid offering.  I continued to wonder about her each day as I passed the pasture until today I heard a knock on the door….

I went to answer the door and saw a woman standing there who I didn’t recognize.  She held out a card in her hand and said, “This is for Elsie and Jonny”, I replied with “I’m Elsie” and then she told me about how she was the woman that we saw in the pasture that cold February morning.  She thanked me for my love and compassion and said that it meant so much to her and her family to receive our card and candle.  She started to tear up as she spoke of her horse and thanked us, we then hugged, as her and I – two complete strangers – shared the most beautiful moment of love and connection on my doorstep, and in that moment I was so happy that I had reached out to her that day and stepped outside of my comfort zone, overcame my own fears, and went for the love.  And I’m so glad that she chose to return it.  I’m not sure why she waited until now, but it doesn’t matter, because her visit to my house came at the perfect time and I am so grateful for her returned random acts of kindness.  After she left our house, I opened the card to find a beautiful message, and a picture of her and the horse included.

 She wrote: Dear Elsie and Jonny,

I wanted to THANK YOU so much for your sympathy and compassion 3 months ago when my horse passed away.  It meant a lot to me to know you cared during my mourning.  Fanci, my horse, was the best horse I had ever known, she was my soul-mate horse and we had many joys shared together for 15 years.  I only had expected to have another 15 years with her.  She died from a very acute and severe colic; the curse of the horse.  My family and me miss her so much!  I burned the candle in her honor and I pray I can be blessed to see her in heaven someday; maybe even with wings :-) Thank you for your love and sympathy, even for me “a stranger.”

Sincerely,

Robin and Family

Robin and her horse Fanci

HOW BEAUTIFUL.  Holy LOVE coming right back to me.  THIS is what life is about you guys!  Giving love and receiving love.  And THIS was such a beautiful reminder to me of how I need to continue to reach out, give my love and bring pure, heartfelt compassion to those in need – even if it is with complete strangers.  Because strangers or not, we are all connected, our love matters and it does make a difference. 

So I encourage you – how can you give a little extra love today?  Who can you reach out to that is grieving and check in with them to let them know that you care?  What action step can you do to let someone know that you are thinking of them?  Go do it now.  Don’t let your mind convince you that you are too busy, or that it won’t matter to them – because it will matter – I promise you it will.  I remember when I was grieving and someone reached out to me in the simplest of ways and how much that meant to me.  So follow your heart now and go…

A Love Letter...

My Sweet Jonny,

This year, I was caught by surprise as Valentine’s Day came about, because to be totally honest, I wasn’t really thinking that I would have a Valentine this year.  But as this day of love came upon us and I realized that I would in fact have a Valentine, and that my Valentine would be YOU, I frantically racked my brain for how I could impress you with an amazingly wonderful surprise gift.  However, no gift seemed to do justice for how I was feeling, so instead, this year I am going to let my gift be my invitation to continue to create something wonderful together with you, to express my love simply and openly to you, with you. 

This year, I see Valentine’s Day as two lovers who were separated for six months, but whom came back together because we knew that we could never stop loving one another.  We reunited from two very different (yet similar) journeys and have agreed to come together as we each grow, develop and unfold into the beings that we were brought here on Earth to be.   I also see it as two lovers who discovered our own individuality again; and we found that individuality because we let vulnerability into our true emotions and love for who we really are.  And I see that this true love between us occurred because our souls had time to mature.  We were broken down and beat around and struggled to continue on – yet in that pain and despair, we were able to be ripped open so that the light within could shine brightly and brilliantly and finally be shared purely with one another, and in that process of being ripped open, we grew and our souls grew, and we matured.   And in that mature space we now allow each other to feel and be heard, we have created a space to share our naked emotions, revealing the truth and beauty of our own soul and inner peace.  And as we move forward, we must continue to remind ourselves that we can only live in the present, unable to control the past or determine the future, and that forgiveness is a process that must be practiced daily.  The best that we can do is to ensure that our own seed of love is as strong, healthy and vibrant as it can possibly be so that we can plant that seed of love in one another’s hearts.  And so my gift to you today, is simply to say I love you and that I am here continuing along this path with you, planting my seed of love and sharing this bruitiful journey called Life. 

In Love,

laughter erupts

shoulders relax

tears fall

hearts open

positivity ripples

eyes glimmer

touches soften

happiness pursues

smiles broaden

everyone is forgiven

and We sparkle and shine.

I love you.