Ahh the single life...

So here I am, reflecting on my life and I open my eyes to find myself totally single again. Heart-somewhat-sore; trying-to-protect-myself; giving-boys-that-flirty-smile; yet-having-no-one-to-daydream-about……single.

The last time that I remember feeling this single was when I was 17 and had never had a boyfriend before. Sure I was single during and following the divorce, but my heart was hurting so badly that those months didn’t really count. Then I went to Belize, feeling completely content being alone and discovering myself slowly again – when all of a sudden I met that sweet Jonny boy and my heart went a flutter and the idea of being single went out the window, because well, I was no longer interested in anyone but him….

But now the sweet daydreams of Jonny are quickly fading as he leaves for Peru and our lives go in separate directions. My heart wants so badly to hold on, but I know that there is no hope right now and that it is time for letting go. Jack Johnson says, “The moment keeps on moving – we were never meant to hold on.” Yet as much as I know that the astute lyrics of Jack are right, I still find myself struggling with missing Jonny and not only Jonny, but Tyler as well….

So where does that leave me? Well, it leaves me with the obvious – which is that I am single, with no one to concentrate on but myself. Which in turn means that all of the love and energy that I have been extending to boys all of these years, I can finally direct inward. I have always known that I should love and care for myself first – but it never proved to be quite that easy. So now with these new turn of events, it leaves me with lots of time to concentrate on that who is Elsie Storm and to discover what dreams I have for my life, where I want to go and what I want to do….

- Master’s Degree?
- Live abroad and learn Spanish?
- Travel and be a bum?
- Live in the mountains?
- Move back to Duluth?
- Stay in Minneapolis?

The possibilities are endless – hmm, perhaps one could even look at this whole being single thing as a blessing instead of a curse? I guess that it’s time for me to face my fears and to explore the world alone as a single woman. Time for me to face myself , be patient and really discover who I am….here we go….This may be quite a process, especially when I tend to find boys oh-so-cute. But I think that I am ready for it this time.

One of my favorite quotes is:
“Love the one you are with, that will always include you.”

I think that is a pretty good starting point….