Vida Nueva

Oaxaca has been great thus far.... I have hit the ground running since I've arrived and haven't had time to stop. On Saturday, we are going on vacation for 4-5 days. Our destination? The beach, and lots of them. I can't wait.

But to satisfy your hunger of wanting to know about my life here thus far, here is a little of what I have been up to:

We went to a Woman's Weaving Cooperative called "Vida Nueva" which is for woman who have had some difficulties in life and they are able to come together at this weaving cooperative and weave these beautiful rugs and bags.

While we were at Vida Nueva, we went and helped the women plant a bunch of trees, because they are trying to create more green space as a lot of the land that surrounds them has been deforested.

Then we went back to the cooperative and they taught us how to make all of the beautiful rugs that you will see next....

After learning all of the steps that go into creating these beautiful rugs, we ate a delicious lunch that the women made for us.....

Then the next day we went to a Mexican wrestling match.....Nacho Libre anyone?
And in case you were wondering, yes, I did buy that mask, and yes, that will be my costume for Halloween next year, and yes, it will be awesome.

Then we moved into our new apartment.
This is the bathroom - notice how Mexican showers don't have shower curtains. There are no shower curtains in Mexico and all of the water just goes EVERYWHERE when you shower and you have to squeegee it towards the drain when you get out of the shower.

This is our professional kitchen. That is a grill, a griddle and a huge freakin' stove.

Our hallway

And our living room. For entertainment purposes we like to hang out in our masks.

And then these are some random pics:
A picture of one of the fabulous doors here (this one is for you mom)

And a picture displaying my height compared to a Mexican's height. I am a freakin' giant. Seriously, this was a bathroom that I went into and this was where the mirror was hung. Sometimes I feel like I am in an elementary school bathroom again.

That's all! I am off to the beach in a few days and in attempts to not become desperately homesick, I am going to try to not think about how much I will miss not having Christmas at home this year. I hope that you are all having a good time preparing for the Holidays and that you all wake up to a wonderful amount of white, powdery snow. Loves to you all.

In attempts to become somewhat less Norwegian, and a little bit more Mexican....

….I have dyed my hair brown and have officially moved to Oaxaca. I’m here. And it is wonderful (for the most part). Oaxaca is beautiful and is a delight for the senses - I am surrounded by lush mountains, gorgeous flowers that overhang cobblestone streets, barking dogs, brightly colored houses, fabulous music and delicious food. The food here is so good and healthy - it is by far the healthiest that I have eaten in months – and it’s fabulous!

I arrived to Oaxaca, late Monday night. Leaving on Monday was a big day for me on many levels, as last year on the exact same day I had left Belize and was so sad, because I had left Jonny and he was moving to Peru and I knew I wasn’t going to see him again and knowing that broke my heart. But this year, exactly one year later, I was on a plane again – to another country – but this time I was leaving and was happy and excited and going off to have my own adventure and doing it for myself. Being able to realize how far I had come in exactly one year was so empowering for me, and once again I was realizing how much ones’ life can change in a year.

So like I was saying, I arrived to Oaxaca and it is a beautiful city, and is pretty big with around 200,000 people. I have been exhausted ever since I arrived on Monday night, as my body and mind are still trying to adjust to living in a new country. I find that I am understanding Spanish quite well, however am struggling with forming sentences and trying to speak it consistently. I think that part of the reason that I am so exhausted all of the time is because my mind has to concentrate so hard on what everyone is saying, and it just completely wears me out. However, I am beginning Spanish classes next week and am hopeful that this will help to increase my comprehension.

While I’ve been here, I have found that I am experiencing a little bit of culture shock, especially when it comes to the vast differences between the rich and the poor. This is the first time where I have been to a country where there has been such a huge gap between those who have money and those who do not. Last night my colleagues and I were standing in the center square waiting to go to dinner and I noticed this small girl who could not have been older than two years old sitting alone on the sidewalk. As we walked by her, I couldn’t help but stare and wonder where her mother was. I kept watching her, until her mother finally showed up and I realized that her mom was one of those women who walk around trying to sell goods to people on the street. When she came back to her daughter, she took her by the hand and they started to walk away, and as they were walking away I noticed that this mother also was carrying a very small child on her back and as soon as I saw that tears began to well up in my eyes and I just started to cry. I thought about all of the mothers that I knew in my life and how almost all of them have had every resource available to them while raising their children, and how even with all of those resources, raising a baby (let alone a baby and a toddler) is still an extremely difficult job. And as I looked at that mother, walking through the streets with a baby strapped to her back, a basket of goods in one hand and a toddler in the other, I just thought about how strong of a woman she has to be and how even when I think that my life is hard, it will never be as hard as hers is. Knowing that just made my heart feel completely overwhelmed and I just stood there with tears running down my cheeks. While I was standing there watching her walk away, my co-worker said to me “She may not have a lot, but she does have love…she does this for the love that she has for her children.” And when he said that, I realized how right he was, that even though even she hardly had anything, she had enough love for her children to be walking through the streets at 8:00 pm, trying to make a living to support them in whatever way she could.

I’ve been thinking about this mother and all mothers in general ever since we left the square last night, and I have decided that while I am here in Oaxaca that I am going to do what I can to help support the women and children that are here. Tomorrow we are going to a women’s cooperative called Viva Nueva to help out with their annual community service project. I’ve heard that you can buy good presents there that in return help support the women there, so for those of you who are expecting Christmas presents from me, there is a chance that I will be buying them tomorrow.

I wish that I had a picture of the little girl to post, but I didn’t feel comfortable taking her picture. At some point, when the time is right I will post up some pictures of the poverty that can be so prevalent here at times, but I can’t do that until I can make sure I am able to take them in a respectful manner.

However, here are some other pictures of my time here thus far……I hope that you enjoy.

Buenas Noches.

Me and Benny and my brown hair on the flight to Oaxaca

Piles and piles of grasshoppers...

Getting ready to eat some of those grasshoppers (they kind of taste like very crunchy beef jerky)

Santo Domingo

The ProMexico office and where I spend many of my days...

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Up North....

You know how sometimes you get that feeling that you just have to do something? You just have to? Well tonight I got that feeling.

Tonight I was driving home and had been in the car for four hours. I was supposed to go and attend a work dinner, but because of a traffic jam in Minneapolis, I was already late and wasn’t really all that interested in going anyway. I was contemplating the dinner situation as I drove into Duluth, but once I reached Duluth I had this overwhelming urge to go down to Lake Superior. So I went. I drove down to the lake, got out of my car and started to walk along the beach. I went to touch the water, expecting it to be freezing cold – as Lake Superior is known for is leg numbing coldness – however to my surprise it was warm. So warm that I knew that I had to take advantage of this rare moment and go for a swim. I was tempted to dive in right then and there when I remembered that I had a swimming suit in my car, so I ran back to my car, quickly unpacked my suit case - throwing clothes all over until I found my suit – put my swimsuit on and went back to the beach.

At this point the sun was setting and the water and sky were pink, and there was no one else on or in the lake, except for a simple kayak gliding along and a sailboat far out in the water. I dove right in and felt all of the stress of long car rides, overflowing inboxes and grimy hotels, glide off of me. I continued to swim and swim, relishing in the fact that it was mid-September and I was swimming and that I was the only one in the lake for as far as I could see. It was paradise.

Sometimes people wonder why the hell I live in Northern Minnesota…..and this why…for days like today.

A simple phone call...

Today was the two year anniversary of my and Tyler's wedding. After work, I went down to the pool just to reflect and have some alone time. I realized that this date wasn't as raw for me as it was last year, it was still somewhat sad, but time has definitely been healing my wounds and this anniversary was much easier than last.

While I was sitting at the pool, my parents called to let me know that they had been thinking of me today, as they knew that it may be a sad day for me. Their sweet, simple act of calling, just to let me know I was on their minds, meant the world to me. As I write this, I am brought to tears, not so much over the sadness of my divorce, but more so by the overwhelming feeling of love that I have for the both of them, and that I know they have for me in return.

Their phone call today was such a good reminder to me of the importance of family and how families love and support one another. I think that this factor struck me even more so today than it would have normally, because today I find myself in a new place, with new people - who don't truly know me - nor I them. And so this evening, when I received their phone call, it reaffirmed the fact that no matter where I am my family will always be there for me, loving and supporting me from afar. That I may be off adventuring in Florida, or Mexico, or Belize, but whatever happens, they will always be there...and for me, that was a great thing to be reminded of.

Charlie

Today was a sad day.
Today I said goodbye to my sweet cat Charlie.
We have been through a lot together this cat and I.
I got Charlie when I was in college and he was
only nine weeks old.

He was so little. And so sweet.

Then he grew up and got big - but thought that he was still little - and we would come home to find him curled up in boxes that were much too small for him.


Then we moved him to Kirksville where we were all a little family for awhile.

But then our family fell apart and all of a sudden it was just Charlie and I again. Charlie was so sweet to me during that time and would snuggle me and love me and in his own way helped to take care of me. I remember many days of crying on the couch and him coming up and snuggling into me and giving me his love. Every night he would sleep with me, curled up in the crook of my legs. And every time that I would come home he would greet me at the door, give me a friendly "welcome home meow", and lay on the ground like this, hoping for a belly rub.

Having to give him up has been one of the hardest parts of this entire job transition. However, I found a great couple (Paul and Chika) who wanted to take him and who are so excited to have him and love him. I am so grateful for them as it makes it a little bit easier knowing that he is going to a good home. Here is a picture of Paul, Chika and I. Chika works at Trader Joes with me and is one of the sweetest girls I know.
Look at my face, I have this look of "I am totally faking being excited to give you my cat" ha.

Here I am giving Charlie one last kiss. When he left I bawled like a baby. Now that he is gone, I can't wait to get out of this house as it is so lonely without his presence. I am going to miss him, as I think that he took care of me just as much as I took care of him....he was my little lover....

February 2, 2004

I have a week left in Minneapolis and today I am starting to pack up my house to get ready to move. As a rule, I am a terrible packer, because I always get distracted by reading old journals, looking at old pictures, reminiscing about my life, looking through old books....seriously when I pack alone, it takes me forever.

So today while I was supposed to be diligently packing, I came across an old journal of mine and I flipped open to the following journal entry. I read it and couldn't believe what I had written.

Feb. 2, 2004
"Tonight I received an email from Greta and it was all about her adventures in Mexico. While reading it, my longing for adventure became more intense. There is something inside of me that feels like I need to go somewhere alone, by myself for awhile. I need to take an adventure - my basic self is craving it. I want to be completely independent and have adventures and be free. I want to be on my own and not have attachment. I want to find my true self - and perhaps I have to do that without Tyler....."

I read that and was like "holy crap, how spooky". I have been wanting this ever since then, knowing that this was someday coming and that I had to do it without Tyler....There was a part of me that knew. Knew that this was my life plan. Reading that helps to reiterate why I am leaving, why I am going to Mexico, why I am going on this adventure alone....it's because I have always wanted it. It has always been part of my plan - it's just that I got side-tracked for awhile.

Sunny Days

Today is May 18th and it is the first time that I have eaten lunch outside - alone - since November. I remember how last fall I used to do whatever it took to come and eat outside. If it was 50 degrees out, windy and cold - I still bundled up and ate outside until finally it was too cold to bear it anymore.

I was unhappy then, and was more alone than I had ever felt before in my life. However, part of me wanted the solitude and actually yearned for that one hour at lunch where I could get out of my cave of an office and see the light of day. I knew that I needed that hour - that I needed to get outside - that somehow being outside made me happier, even if it did mean that I had to eat alone.

But then I was offered a new position at work which required me to move throughout campus during the day. And all of a sudden I was interacting with lots of people - naughty freshman, funny employees and sweet co-workers - my days were jam packed with meetings and tight schedules, and that, combined with the start of spring (along with some other factors) helped to pull me out of my sadness.

And so now here I am, months later, enjoying my first outdoor lunch of the spring and I am loving it. It is peaceful and sunny and warm and unlike last fall, I am truly enjoying this moment of solitude to be able to reflect on this past school year and see how much has changed. The beat truly does go on.....

Changing Directions?

Today I received the exciting phone call, telling me that I had been offered the job in Mexico! I have not responded yet, as I am still waiting to read a contract and find out some more specifics about the job, however if everything works out, I am pretty sure that I will accept (so cross your fingers)!

The past few days I have been reflecting on what taking this job would mean for me. Thinking about this new life possibility of traveling and living in Mexico has been both challenging and confusing. I have had to face fears and sort out emotions in order to make the move to formulate my decision. Doing this has been tough for me, as I have never had to make this big of a decision before in my life. The thought of giving up my current jobs (both of which are great), community, leaving friends and family etc. to take on this new adventure is a scary one. I find myself facing a doorway where I can choose to stay where I am, or go ahead and courageously open it up to new experiences. However, as I prepare to open this door and expand, this expansion will require imagination, cost, risk and creativity – but it’s reward will result in me living one of my dreams.

As I think about this new life, I oftentimes scare myself and find myself retreating into old habits and insecurities. I think that this is occurring because I have structures in place within my life that are now being threatened by a new vitality. However, being able to let go of these so that I will be able to feel alive instead of depressed will require change and loss, but will hopefully result in a much stronger, happier Me.

I still am not 100% sure on my decision, but my mom told me that whatever path I choose to go down will bring to me the experiences that I am supposed to receive, and I will handle them as they come my way. And, as Eckhart Tolle says “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.”

Stay tuned for a future update…..hopefully one will be coming soon……

Bravery

Tonight I wanted to see exactly how I was feeling at this point last year, so I opened my old journal and came across this entry I had written about how scared I was to go to court and get divorced and how I was going have to find the courage to be brave -- this is what I wrote:

"Currently I am thinking about how I need to be the bravest that I have ever been in my life on Tuesday. I also need to be brave on Monday night to allow myself to go to sleep and to let Tuesday come, and then I need to let Tuesday happen so that I can go to court and get divorced and allow this whole thing to play itself out. Because once this happens it will be done, and there will be nothing to be afraid of anymore, because what I will have been most afraid of happening will have happened - I will be divorced. I just need to be strong and brave, so that I can get there first."

Reading that tonight just made me cry. I can't believe that was me writing those words....pumping myself up....I don't remember having that strength and wisdom in me and I almost wonder where that part of me went. I mean I am sure that it is still here within me somewhere, but I guess that when one is in life's darkest moments that sometimes the best and strongest parts of one's self come out in order for them to survive. For me it was finding bravery within myself so that I could get through the scariest day of my life. I am so glad that I got through it and that one year later my life is so much better. Thank God for bravery, resilience, guidance and love.

Ahh the single life...

So here I am, reflecting on my life and I open my eyes to find myself totally single again. Heart-somewhat-sore; trying-to-protect-myself; giving-boys-that-flirty-smile; yet-having-no-one-to-daydream-about……single.

The last time that I remember feeling this single was when I was 17 and had never had a boyfriend before. Sure I was single during and following the divorce, but my heart was hurting so badly that those months didn’t really count. Then I went to Belize, feeling completely content being alone and discovering myself slowly again – when all of a sudden I met that sweet Jonny boy and my heart went a flutter and the idea of being single went out the window, because well, I was no longer interested in anyone but him….

But now the sweet daydreams of Jonny are quickly fading as he leaves for Peru and our lives go in separate directions. My heart wants so badly to hold on, but I know that there is no hope right now and that it is time for letting go. Jack Johnson says, “The moment keeps on moving – we were never meant to hold on.” Yet as much as I know that the astute lyrics of Jack are right, I still find myself struggling with missing Jonny and not only Jonny, but Tyler as well….

So where does that leave me? Well, it leaves me with the obvious – which is that I am single, with no one to concentrate on but myself. Which in turn means that all of the love and energy that I have been extending to boys all of these years, I can finally direct inward. I have always known that I should love and care for myself first – but it never proved to be quite that easy. So now with these new turn of events, it leaves me with lots of time to concentrate on that who is Elsie Storm and to discover what dreams I have for my life, where I want to go and what I want to do….

- Master’s Degree?
- Live abroad and learn Spanish?
- Travel and be a bum?
- Live in the mountains?
- Move back to Duluth?
- Stay in Minneapolis?

The possibilities are endless – hmm, perhaps one could even look at this whole being single thing as a blessing instead of a curse? I guess that it’s time for me to face my fears and to explore the world alone as a single woman. Time for me to face myself , be patient and really discover who I am….here we go….This may be quite a process, especially when I tend to find boys oh-so-cute. But I think that I am ready for it this time.

One of my favorite quotes is:
“Love the one you are with, that will always include you.”

I think that is a pretty good starting point….