Bravery

Tonight I wanted to see exactly how I was feeling at this point last year, so I opened my old journal and came across this entry I had written about how scared I was to go to court and get divorced and how I was going have to find the courage to be brave -- this is what I wrote:

"Currently I am thinking about how I need to be the bravest that I have ever been in my life on Tuesday. I also need to be brave on Monday night to allow myself to go to sleep and to let Tuesday come, and then I need to let Tuesday happen so that I can go to court and get divorced and allow this whole thing to play itself out. Because once this happens it will be done, and there will be nothing to be afraid of anymore, because what I will have been most afraid of happening will have happened - I will be divorced. I just need to be strong and brave, so that I can get there first."

Reading that tonight just made me cry. I can't believe that was me writing those words....pumping myself up....I don't remember having that strength and wisdom in me and I almost wonder where that part of me went. I mean I am sure that it is still here within me somewhere, but I guess that when one is in life's darkest moments that sometimes the best and strongest parts of one's self come out in order for them to survive. For me it was finding bravery within myself so that I could get through the scariest day of my life. I am so glad that I got through it and that one year later my life is so much better. Thank God for bravery, resilience, guidance and love.